yeah.

hmmph.

nothing to say really.

not in a particularly good mood but not in a particularly bad one either.

would you like me to go into it?

if not then press 'x' now.

if so.. then keep reading.

my so called best friend opal..

has done EXACTLY what jak did to me..

but to her (now ex) boyfriend.

and she said she understood how i felt coz it's happened to her.

no she doesn't.

fuck it.

i was at carvers today doing PE.. and he was there and all my friends started shouting insults.

then he got his girlfriend to come down..

just like..

he does it on purpose to make me feel like shit.

i have to try & be happpier.

yeah & i fell out with lara too.

gotta get my life sorted out tbh.

one little painful step at a time so...

-lara

-opal..

-jak

-being happy

-the guy situation.. like.. who  i like etc.

-start thinking about work experience

and the not so painful things that need sorting:

-clothes 

-khianna's party. alcohol+outfit

-bloc party

-london with lara.

okay well i'll fuck off now & talk later

xxxx

fuck.

i have a LOT of explaining to do.

in the last few months.. well.. i wished they never happened.
i wished i just. i dont know.. stayed at home.. or didnt text back.. then it would've never happened.

okay so like.. march or something..
jak asked me out.
i said yes. of course.
because we grew so close.
.. atleast i thought so.
he meant.. what.. everything to me. and i was one of the only people who actually believed in him. and people told me that. he told me stuff about him which wasn't true. and i believed him.

so fucking naive.

i'd like to think what we had was special.. but i guess to him it wasn't.
he moved on pretty quickly.. well.. the next day.
and that's.. surprisingly.. not what hurt the most.
what hurt the most was him lying.. just about random things.. anything.
i don't think he ever cared... because how can you 'care' about someone so much and then dump them.. just like that.. and go out with someone else.

so i'm thinking.. wtf? he said all that shit to me about how i was so amazing etc.. bullshit.
if he meant it he wouldn't've done that..

and that just makes me feel ever more shit about myself.

so it's been a few weeks now.
we're not talking.

i see him around.. and i want to talk to him.
because he's forgotten about me.
i haven't forgotten about him.. nuhuh...

it's hard for me to move on ..


i have to try and be happier. coz apparently the reason he dumped me was because i was always down.. so yeah. it's pretty hard to be happy when i'm getting constant reminders.

msn me.. talk to me.. make me happy?
a.v.a@hotmail.co.uk


big kiss x