yeah.

hmmph.

nothing to say really.

not in a particularly good mood but not in a particularly bad one either.

would you like me to go into it?

if not then press 'x' now.

if so.. then keep reading.

my so called best friend opal..

has done EXACTLY what jak did to me..

but to her (now ex) boyfriend.

and she said she understood how i felt coz it's happened to her.

no she doesn't.

fuck it.

i was at carvers today doing PE.. and he was there and all my friends started shouting insults.

then he got his girlfriend to come down..

just like..

he does it on purpose to make me feel like shit.

i have to try & be happpier.

yeah & i fell out with lara too.

gotta get my life sorted out tbh.

one little painful step at a time so...

-lara

-opal..

-jak

-being happy

-the guy situation.. like.. who  i like etc.

-start thinking about work experience

and the not so painful things that need sorting:

-clothes 

-khianna's party. alcohol+outfit

-bloc party

-london with lara.

okay well i'll fuck off now & talk later

xxxx

fuck.

i have a LOT of explaining to do.

in the last few months.. well.. i wished they never happened.
i wished i just. i dont know.. stayed at home.. or didnt text back.. then it would've never happened.

okay so like.. march or something..
jak asked me out.
i said yes. of course.
because we grew so close.
.. atleast i thought so.
he meant.. what.. everything to me. and i was one of the only people who actually believed in him. and people told me that. he told me stuff about him which wasn't true. and i believed him.

so fucking naive.

i'd like to think what we had was special.. but i guess to him it wasn't.
he moved on pretty quickly.. well.. the next day.
and that's.. surprisingly.. not what hurt the most.
what hurt the most was him lying.. just about random things.. anything.
i don't think he ever cared... because how can you 'care' about someone so much and then dump them.. just like that.. and go out with someone else.

so i'm thinking.. wtf? he said all that shit to me about how i was so amazing etc.. bullshit.
if he meant it he wouldn't've done that..

and that just makes me feel ever more shit about myself.

so it's been a few weeks now.
we're not talking.

i see him around.. and i want to talk to him.
because he's forgotten about me.
i haven't forgotten about him.. nuhuh...

it's hard for me to move on ..


i have to try and be happier. coz apparently the reason he dumped me was because i was always down.. so yeah. it's pretty hard to be happy when i'm getting constant reminders.

msn me.. talk to me.. make me happy?
a.v.a@hotmail.co.uk


big kiss x

okay..so..

i haven't posted a blog in about a month..

let's see..

i failed my exam to go to boarding school...

which was a shame but good stuff came out of it.

nothing's going to happen between me & dan..

nuhuh. :L

which is a good thing in some respects also 

because i got to know jak.

and he is amazing tbh.

he properly cares about me..

and its great...

because no one ever has really.

not that much.

anyways..

half term now.. haha.. went to what i thought would be holly's party last night. her dad turned up before it started and told everyone to piss off. haaa. so umm.. (this is going to be hard because i don't remember much..) me, zoe & jak went oh yeah.. to the rec and then we left i think to go to keskins... ummm.. or this other place called dr. doolittles. wow. its fun there.

before i came out i had one of those little bottles of vodka and i mixed it with redbull... eeeeeek. its nice but its horrible too because it makes you feel funny.

then i cant remember what i had after that.

i can remember jak walking me to my house & that took aaaaaaaaaages. but it was great.

i have this massive graze thing on my hand.. and a burn.. what happened???? 

ahhrghh i hate not knowing.

anyway i woke up at an insanely early hour... you ready for this..?? 8:20!!

what the hell.. it is inhumanely impossible.. ahhhh.

i am sooo tired and in pain i couldnt get back to sleep. 

i slept with my makeup on.. ewww.

i need to see lara today, she'll look after me won;t she.

i love lara... she is amazing.

okay well i'm off to go say morning to my mother & possibly give her a big hug for letting me stay out later.

big kiss. x

19. at school.

OKAY!
well, in tutor, dead bored, so i thought i would post a blog.
had a bit of an issue with someone this morning but i dont think i'm meant to speak about it in a blog so don't worry. ha.

i have a gcse parents evening tonight which should be fun. haha.

!!!

okay..

woah.

i haven't posted a blog in a while.

but here it is.

okay so on sunday i thought.. yeahh.. i have to take a test to go to boarding school.

i thought it was in june or something.

they call me up on monday..

and tell me..

IT'S THIS FRIDAY.

i was in shock haha.

i started crying... dick'ed.

because the thing is.. and no-one really understands this, is that i want to go to boarding school more than anything in the whole world. it's my lifetime goal, so far.

(that.. and to marry robert pattinson and have his babies. corr)

so.. thursday night.

i'm so worried about tomorrow.

i have 4 exams. and 2 interviews.

bollocks.

i am quite proud of what i'm wearing though.

looks nice.

so yeah.. canford..

crossed fingers, eh!?

tbh.

hello.. what.. the few people that actually read this.

today i went to school.

my god.

tutor.. didn't do much.. read elle magazine.

english .. we talked about time & the truth .. oh.. and what is fact and what is opinion. and chris was annoying me because he kept contradicting EVERYTHING. 

umm forgot what i had second period.

double music tech is the most boring thing in the world.

no one good is in my set except effie..

ms. blondel HATES ME. and tbh, i hate her.

she just cant be bothered with me.

I DIDN'T EVEN CHOOSE MUSIC TECH.. WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO DO IT?!?!

spanish was funny, as always.

and maths was bloody boring today.

his voice just annoys me.

and the way he says: H

i hate people to say H-aych.

its said like fucking AY-CH!!

i really want to go to canford.

i'm doing a test for it soon i think :)

i'm really ill!! well..

the painters are in.. if you know what i mean.

ahaha. i hope you don't know what i mean.

it hurts like hell!!!!

i'm listening to kings of leon - use somebody REMIX

it's amazingggg.

anyways, going to love you & leave you.

xxx